You cut my heart in a million pieces.

Twisted my reality in myriad ways.

Who am I and what is real

Today I barely know.

What I remember is that it was my fault.

Always.

Somehow it still is… or so they say.

By the time I had enough, it was like nothing ever happened,

And you were kind for a second.

And then, back to your own ways.

Wondered for years if it was all in my head.

And I still do…

I keep asking myself, what is wrong with me?

How broken am I to be so scattered?!

Will I ever be whole again?

And what do I do from here?

Do I just run away and never look back?

Do I need to fight for another gasp of air…

Here?!

Oh, I want to run away but can’t –

What if all that I am feeling is fake?

How do I even begin to trust myself?

Seriously, how do I?

Is what I am seeing correct?

If so, why what I am feeling is so loud?

And why are they so opposite?

Who’s gonna save me from myself?!

Is your smile real and my pain fake?

Or is my pain real and your smile evil?

Or is it all just in my head?

My God, I don’t know anything anymore..

Please come and blast this whole thing with Your magnificent light!

Remove this heart of fear from my chest,

And give me the one I almost had.

Or even better – a new one!

..please…

There’s so much life behind me

And it seems like I haven’t lived half of it.

How do I grieve a loss like this?

My God, YOU are my Redeemer!

The air is thin here tonight – 

The pain is overwhelming.

I can’t get my head around what any of this means.

So I will just surrender.

I lay myself down at Your feet

Please change everything as you seem fit.

I might not know much these days, but one thing I do know –

The God of ALL My Days has got me!

My life is Yours, my will, my all.

You’ve looked into the depths of my heart

And You still deeply love me.

So I will trust Your judgment.

I trust in You for one more breath.

I trust in You for many more.

I trust in You for my forever.

You.. You are MY ALL.